Let Me Go
by MistyxRose
Summary: Sakura's hurt and fed up of Xiao Lang in their relationship, and a different one too.The pain he's causing her may make her say,Let me go.So now she has to make the biggest decision.Ever.[MultipleSongfic,1st song by Three Doors down,2nd by Bryan Adams]SxS
1. Let Me Go

**Author's Note: Heya. I'm sorry that this isn't You Are My Song, but this story is currently saying how I feel, you may think it's lame and pathetic but eh…that's all I'm saying for now…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CCS, it rightfully belongs to Clamp. I do not own the lyrics, nor song, "Let Me Go" by Three Doors Down.

* * *

**

**_Bold Italicized Words: _**Online conversation

' ': Thoughts

" ": Dialogue

**Bold: **Lyrics

**Bold **AND _Italicized: _Flashback from a previous online conversation

**Now that that's clear, on with the story.

* * *

**

She sighed as she slumped into her computer chair. The chair squeaked at the sudden weight and rolled back a bit, but she didn't care. With her foot, she lightly kicked the on button on the tower and turned her monitor on. A low buzzing sound filled the room which was soon replaced with a constant humming.

Seconds turned to minutes as the computer continued to load everything. She tugged at the chopstick that she stuck through her hair early in the morning during her "morning rush". Auburn locks tumbled down onto her shoulders. She ran her hand through her hair, feeling her scalp ache at the position it was formed in for the whole school day.

The blue light emitting from the screen reflected in her emerald eyes that she just rubbed tiredly. After connecting to the internet, she placed her slender fingers over the keyboard keys, and typed in her username and password.

In a blink, she was logged into the messenger. Her status was invisible to everything, even to her best friend, Tomoyo (who was currently on a date with her boyfriend, Eriol.) She didn't receive any new email, which she didn't care because she wanted to send an email to someone instead.

_**SakuraX: Hey...sorry that I'm gonna be on late again...Well, ttyl...**_

She glanced at the time in the bottom right hand corner and knew that she wouldn't receive a reply to her message. She logged off then turned her chair around to her magenta backpack that seemed like it was ready to explode. Clearly, spines and corners of her books were poking through the material. She sighed tiredly before getting up then dragging her feet toward her bed and plopping herself face down onto her pillow. In contact of her pillow, she closed her eyes.

She opened her emerald eyes half way, then closed them again as she drifted off.

It caused her homework time for that nap. Regret swam in her mind as she realized that she slept longer than she intended to, which made her scream out of frustration, pull her hair, and slam her fists/hands on her desk. In anyone's view, it would've seemed that she was going insane because of homework (which was what her father and brother thought), but then they would be mistaken.

By the time she completed her assignments, it was near midnight.

She read the offline message she received.

_**XiaoWolf: aww...ok **_

Part of her was disappointed. She frowned as she closed of the message window. She opened the messenger and double-clicked on his name, XiaoWolf. She clicked within the window and then started typing. Her typing style had changed over the years from abbreviations and horrible grammar. It was now somewhat slang, yet it wasn't really messenger language, and not always grammatically incorrect.

_**SakuraX: Hey...you there...?**_

_**XiaoWolf: Ya, sorry babe I'm here**_

He had taken so long just to reply to that simple question that she was just about to log off then collapse on her bed again. She 'tsked' and shook her head sadly. His typing style was the same as hers, except there was an occasional capitalization.

"Oh Xiao Lang," she breathed out with sadness, yet the sound of his name made her smile slightly. This smile, now though, was just tinted with sadness.

There were no more messages exchanged for a few minutes, but it seemed longer than that to Sakura. She knew he was just busy doing rather playing a game (that she wasn't able to get) or just chatting or just something.

She was the type that put others before her, and would cheer someone up as best as she could when someone was down. She always helped people whenever she could.

However, she never made the first move. She had low self-esteem and was incredibly quiet and shy. People sometimes thought of her as annoying and hypocritical, which she believed herself because she knew it was true. She also angered and got jealous easily.

Bored, she clicked on her music file then her play list and it loaded quickly. She set it on shuffle then clicked play and minimized the music player window.

The main instrument that began to play was a guitar. Without knowing it, she began to hum to the song.

**One more kiss could be the best thing  
But one more lie could be the worst  
And all these thoughts are never resting  
And you're not something I deserve**

Her eyes softened at the lyrics.

'I always think about us…' she thought to herself, 'I know he cares about me, but…' She changed her position so that her feet were on the desk and her head was tilted up on the chair so she was looking at the ceiling. She closed her eyes.

'You need someone who's always going to be there by your side. I _am_ by your side…just not physically.' There were so many days that she wished that she was just in his arms, feeling secure and safe, the warmth, and the sound of his heart. Some of those days she wished that she could have someone to lean, and cry on. It hurt whenever she saw happy couples laughing, walking, or just simply enjoying each other's presence.

There were times when guys would send glances at her, and she liked the attention. However, she knew better than to flirt with other guys and whatnot.

She looked at the calendar that hung on her door.

She would be another year older in just less than a month. Xiao Lang was five years older than her, and he was currently eighteen. Right now, Sakura was thirteen and soon-to-be fourteen.

'You deserve someone better than me…someone older, more mature, prettier…' she thought sadly.

**In my head there's only you now  
This world falls on me  
In this world there's real and make believe  
And this seems real to me**

People thought that an online relationship was pathetic and lame, just a desperate way to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. But it's just the same as normal relationships minus the physical contact. Sometimes, it was even better because you don't even know how one person looks like, so the relationship was based on personality instead of appearance. Sure, it was more difficult because you had to understand and trust them more than you would if your girlfriend/boyfriend lived in your area.

Both Sakura and Xiao Lang knew what they had to do in order to keep the relationship going. Both of them loved each other deeply, even if their only contact was through internet. Sakura was anxious about him calling due to the fact that no one knew about her relationship and the long distance calling. Whereas for Xiao Lang, his mother knew about Sakura, even though she was concerned about the age difference between them, but she trusted them.

One time, Sakura hard argued against someone about the fact that their relationship was real. Of course, she didn't say that the relationship was hers, but just "someone she knew who was in an online relationship". The person had suggested that maybe he thought that this was nothing more than just an "online relationship" and nothing more.

When Sakura, hesitantly, told him about her little argument, he was furious.

_**XiaoLang**: Sakura…do you really think that this is just an "online relationship"? You know what, believe whatever you want to believe but just know that to me, this is **not **an online relationship…_

_**SakuraX**: …_

She believed him when he said that he was an honest person, even when the truth wasn't pretty. And she believed him when he said that the relationship between them was real.

She thought about him everyday. It was definitely real.

**You love me but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
And you love me but you don't know who I am  
So let me go  
Let me go**

She sang along quietly, and then her singing gradually got louder. She knew that her singing voice wasn't as beautiful compared to Tomoyo's. It wasn't horrible, but in a way, pleasant.

'Maybe it's true,' she thought as she stopped singing, 'does he really know who I am?'

She was also the type that bottled things up inside her. Tomoyo knew about this, and told her that it wasn't healthy, but hey, who could blame her?

There were some things that she told him, and not to her best friend.

Some people felt like they had more power and security just because they were sitting in front of a computer screen, safe at home. Sometimes it led to harassing and false identities, but Sakura was better than that.

However, she could tell him certain things. She hated when people fussed over something about her, which was another reason. For Xiao Lang not being near her, it made her feel more content to know that he wouldn't come to her house and just comfort her and fuss over every little thing like Tomoyo or other people who was concerned about her would. _Even though there were some days that she wished that he was there to comfort her…_

Xiao Lang had a way with words that often left her speechless. It made her feel warm and happy to know that he understood her. She slightly smiled at the thought.

**I dream ahead to what I hope for  
And I turn my back on loving you  
How can this love be a good thing  
When I know what I'm goin through**

Her smile almost instantly faded away after hearing that verse. She hoped that they'd finally see each other face to face, even if it was only for one minute.

Things were starting to become more confusing and stressful for her lately. There were so many things- from him, to her parents, to friends, to school, to other things- that made her anguish. She hadn't told him even half of it because she didn't want him to worry.

In fact, no one knew how much she kept inside herself. She covered it up with a happy, innocent façade that everyone believed.

**In my head there's only you now  
This world falls on me  
In this world there's real and make believe  
And this seems real to me**

She opened the messenger then clicked on his username again.

_**SakuraX: I assume you're still busy…?**_

Surprisingly, Xiao Lang replied quicker than she expected.

_**XiaoWolf: Sadly…**_

_**SakuraX: It's oki**_

She closed the messaging window once more. She sighed, "Always busy…" she said to herself. She sang the rest of the chorus again.

**You love me but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
You love me but you don't know who I am  
So let me go  
Just Let me goo...  
Let me go**

She bit her bottom lip and jerked her head downwards, trying to fight the tears that wanted to escape for so long. She released an uneasy breath and the tears didn't escape. It hurt so much…right now she was confused about what to do about him…

**And no matter how hard I try  
I can't escape these things inside I know  
I know  
When all the pieces fall apart  
You will be the only one who knows  
Who knows**

It was true. She couldn't escape the fact that he loved her so much, more than words could say. He was the only one for Sakura…

But sometimes…it didn't feel that way…

She had read somewhere that in online relationships, mostly the girls would get fed up of waiting. She thought that maybe it was normal, but it hurt too much compared to what other girls in other online relationships.

She loved him dearly, and he even claimed that he loved her more...

**You love me but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
And you love me but you don't know who I am  
So let me go  
Just let me go**

The song was almost over. She once again clicked on his username, and then looked down at her keyboard. It seemed like a while to her before she placed trembling hands over it.

_**SakuraX: …Xiao Lang…**_

_**XiaoWolf: …?**_

_And she told him everything about how she felt about them, their relationship, and what he was doing to her…_

**And you love me but you don't  
You love me but you don't  
You love me but you don't know who I am  
And you love me but you don't  
You love me but you don't  
You love me but you don't know me

* * *

**

**Author's Note: Well, that's the end of Chapter One. This isn't going to be long…It's only just…two more songfic chapters. Basically, it's just one fic with songs in each chapter that incorporates with this story (for example, this great song fit in with this chapter, don't you think?). Sorry if this fic isn't your taste, but try and bear with me…**

**Thanks to all who reviewed on my recent story (other than this one), "Killing Me Softly, Angelic Yet Deadly". It means a lot to me. And I'm still sorry about You Are My Song…**

**Ignore grammatical errors, reviews loved, flames are just a waste of time and just ignored. More explained next chapter.**

**-AngeL**


	2. Everything I do I Do It For You

**Author's Note: So here's the second chapter of Let Me Go. I take a while to update my stories, eh? Lol, this chapter might be a bit confusing, though. Try and read between the lines, I think, lol. More notes will be at the end, like always. And, thank you for your reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CCS and I do not own the song (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, by Bryan Adams. I do, however, own the plot.

* * *

**

**_Bold Italicized Words: _**Online conversation

_Italicized: _Flashback

' ': Thoughts

" ": Dialogue

**Bold: **Lyrics

**Bold **AND _Italicized: _Flashback and/or from a previous online conversation

**Now that that's clear, on with the story.

* * *

**

**_SakuraX: …Xiao Lang…_**

_**XiaoWolf: …?**_

_And she told him everything about how she felt about them, their relationship, and what he was doing to her…

* * *

_

_**SakuraX: Goodnight Xiao Lang…**_

_And she was off before he could even say anything to her…

* * *

_

_**Flashback...**_

"_You're kidding me." Xiao Lang rolled his eyes behind the elders' back. _

"_Xiao Lang," warned one of the elders sternly, "Don't get mouthier now at us. Just because you're going to be the head of the clan in less than a year, doesn't mean you're the leader yet."_

'_Oh, just shut up,' Xiao Lang thought bitterly, but he bowed in apology and murmured, "I'm sorry." The same elder sneered quietly. _

"_Please, can't you just lighten some of the weight on him?" asked Xiao Lang's mother softly. He looked into his dark eyes and she saw pain and sadness. _

"_Yelan, every head of the Li clan had this much work on them. Even your husband!" another elder exclaimed at her. "What makes you think that we'll lighten things up for your only son, huh?" He emphasized the word, 'only'. She cringed. "If your only son can not continue the family line, then no one else can take over. No exceptions to women."_

"_However, if Xiao Lang fails as the head of the Li clan," began another elder who was the farthest away from both Xiao Lang and his mother, "then he shall be banished from the clan, with nothing. Then it will be you, Yelan, who will suffer the consequences for giving birth to only one son when other brides of the Li family have had more sons than daughters."_

"_Don't you talk to my mother like that," Xiao Lang seethed._

"_Enough!" the elder said loudly. _

_The elder at the end of the table silenced the other elder with his hand, and stood up. He eyed the young man and woman coldly._

"_You are in no position to talk like this." Said the elder rather coldly to Xiao Lang, "Both you and your mother had disappointed us and left us with anger. We shall discuss these matters another time. Leave now."_

_Not that they wanted to stay, they bowed respectfully, then left the room tempted to slam the door._

"_Mother…" he tried starting as the both of them moved quickly down the halls in heavy steps. Yelan's steps caused her hair to sway heavily side to side with her accessories tinkling and her traditional clothing floating just above the ground. She suddenly stopped, and Xiao Lang stopped behind her, facing her back._

"_Xiao Lang, don't worry about anything the elders have said. We have angered them as it is." She cut him off with a shaking voice and turned to face him. _

"_Mother, they said those things in front of your face and all you say is 'don't worry'?" her son demanded an answer and he blocked her way. He stared down at her, waiting for an answer._

"_My dear son, you are turning just as cold as the elders," she said quietly, "and your father…" she turned away silently. Xiao Lang's eyes softened as he put a hand on her shoulder._

"_Ma," he sighed, "Do they really have to be so tough on you just because you only have one son?"_

"_Yes," It was her turn to say, "They had warned that I would be banished from the clan if I didn't give birth to a son. It was only because I gave birth to your four older sisters that they were starting to get concerned. I did, however, have you, didn't I?_

_He nodded._

"_That's why the elders are being tougher on you," she explained sadly, "And your father is just being tougher than they are."_

_He cringed._

_

* * *

Tick…tock…tick…tock…_

How long had he been staring at her message to him, he didn't know. It felt like hours had gone by.

His warm amber eyes were a bit wide with bewilderment, but they were filled with distance and pain—just as they before.

Before he met her, that is.

Only thing is, it was a shame that it wasn't in real life.

He only allowed more flashbacks appear before his eyes.

* * *

"_Xiao Lang," came Xiao Chen's booming voice. His son came downstairs and stared at him from the middle of the long staircase. _

"_What is that racket up there? Xiao Chen demanded with his amber eyes flaming with annoyance and anger._

"_It's called music, father," he replied with monotone, leaning against the banister. His eyes, the same mirror image of his father's eyes, were filled with nothing. _

"_What was that?" he hissed._

"_I'm just listening to music." Xiao Lang said with finality. _

"_Xiao Chen, could you come here? There are still some things you have to sign before next week." Came Yelan's voice from the room. Xiao Chen growled softly and rubbed his temples in a circular motion. He ran his hand through his messy, light brown hair. He was careful that he didn't mess-up his thin long braid that started at the back of his head and ended above his waist. He looked back to his son, "Keep it down in there, and we're going to train for a good five hours once I'm done with this work." And he swiftly turned and walked away. _

"_Damn it dad, it's eight-o-clock in the evening…" Xiao Lang said quietly to himself before turning around and going back to his room. He yelled out in frustration and slammed the door. There was then a small ring coming from his computer. He sighed and slumped back into his leather revolving chair. He clicked the flashing message box._

_**SakuraX: **I heard something…did you just slam the door or something…?_

"_Yeah…sorry about that…" Xiao Lang said softly as he adjusted his microphone._

_**SakuraX: **It's okay…what's wrong hmm…?_

_He remained silent and turned off the microphone._

_**SakuraX: **…_

_**XiaoWolf: **Sorry…my father is making me train for a while in a few minutes…_

_**SakuraX: **How long is a while…?_

_**XiaoWolf: **5 hours…_

_**SakuraX: **Wtf! 5 HOURS! IT'S LATE!_

_**XiaoWolf:**…ye…_

_**SakuraX: **…Xiao Lang…why…?_

_He explained everything that happened at the meeting and what his father said, along with a few swear words. _

_**SakuraX: **Oh Xiao Lang…don't let him get to you, they're only being tough on you just because you're the next leader of the Li clan…might I say that it's still hard to believe that my boyfriend is someone oh-so-high-and-mighty :P_

_He chuckled at her cuteness and sighed contentedly._

_**XiaoWolf: **you're funny, I just can't believe that my girlfriend is a cute angel ;)_

_**SakuraX: **…Ah geez…you know I'm hideous!_

_**XiaoWolf: **Nuh-uh_

_**SakuraX: **Uh huh!_

_With the conversation, Xiao Lang forgot about his training and didn't know that his father had too much work to do. In fact, he forgot his anger and frustration just because he was talking to her. After a while, they decided to chat with each other using their microphone. Not caring how loud his music was, he turned the radio on instead of his music on his computer, which would've been too loud for Sakura over the microphone. He started singing the song, and Sakura squealed happily at his singing._

**Look into my eyes you will see  
What you mean to me  
Search your heart, search your soul  
When you find me there you'll search no more  
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for  
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for  
You know it's true  
Everything I do, I do it for you**

_He loved her with all his heart because of how she made him feel. He did whatever it took to make her smile because he didn't want her feeling any pain. He would rather that he suffered instead of watching his love suffer._

_

* * *

_The sunlight shone through the crack of his curtains and shone onto his eyelids. He groaned and placed a pillow over his face. After a few minutes, his alarm, which was the radio, turned on to tell him to get up. Coincidently, it was the same song that was playing from one of his memories.

**Look into your heart you will find  
There's nothing there to hide  
Take me as I am, take my life  
I would give it all, I would sacrifice  
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for  
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more  
You know it's true  
Everything I do, I do it for you**

He stood up and opened his curtains, staring out at the view of the garden. Sakura blossoms, which he asked for the gardeners to plant, were in bloom. His eyes softened at the view and remembered last night's events.

How he fell asleep on his bed was a blur to him. But the things she said just kept on replaying over and over again like a song, a sad, depressing song. He just still couldn't believe it. All the things she felt were so bottled up well that he couldn't believe what he had done to her.

'I'm a monster, I shouldn't be near her,' he thought sadly, staring at the sky. 'She's done so much for me…and look at how I repay her…' His eyes were now hidden behind his long, dark bangs. He let a tear escape.

And not another tear.

He hated being so busy that he couldn't talk to her for even a minute. Actually, they both hated how busy they were. Sakura had her studies which were piling up quickly, and he had many things to balance such as school work, training, etc.

However, not all of his frustration was able to diminish just by talking to her…Sometimes it was just too much for him to handle. Sometimes, just mindlessly wandering the net kept him away from such feelings, but they'd come back when he was reminded of his frustration. Only that it would much stronger and more painful. She knew about this, about him becoming the next leader in less than a year, oh yes she knew. There were so many things that he told her that he wouldn't tell many.

In general, he was an honest person, when Sakura tended to bottle everything up. She would calm him down whenever he exploded, or at least she'd try.

**There's no love like your love  
And no other could give more love  
There's nowhere unless you're there  
All the time, all the way**

She was always there for him. And him for her. There was even a time, before their relationship grew more intimate, that his previous girlfriend had used him. It was all for his money and the media stories, but his ex-girlfriend had done it in such a way that even he didn't figure out how she did it.

Of course, Sakura was there with him during that time, explaining that he deserved better.

This only caused him to think long and hard. In the end, he figured out that he was blind all along, not seeing the things in front of him.

They had feelings for each for a while, they figured out. Yet they were both afraid of what would happen if their feelings weren't returned.

But now? Xiao Lang didn't know what her feelings were; she didn't state anything about that to him in her message.

He sang the next part of the song quietly.

**Look into your heart baby**

He wanted her to forgive him; he knew that it wasn't her fault for being such the silent girl as she was. For someone as young as she, she's seen and been through a lot already. He just didn't want her to feel the pain that he felt just because he was the next leader of the clan. He was so emotionless for mostly all of his life. He felt that he could trust no one at his school because he was afraid that he would be used. He had a few close friends, but it wasn't enough to keep him company in his large house.

Maids, butlers, cooks, and many more people worked in his house, but never really had the time to keep him company. His father was extremely strict that he often disliked his father, and his mother was the closest to him in the house. His four older sisters, all married, had all moved out in less than two years. He didn't care after a while, so he distracted his feelings by doing things like training and homework.

However, he was never really using his computer.

The day that he did, though, was when he had met Sakura over some game that one of his friends had told him to play. For the heck of it, Xiao Lang tried it and met Sakura. They became closer and closer and he grew fond of her. She fell for him and didn't care that he was some rich, young, bachelor of Hong Kong.

She loved him for who he was.

And he felt that he messed it up after his friend had told him to get another game, which consumed his time on the net, which was mostly his time with her. He had made sure that they had time to talk to each other and whatnot.

He turned to his computer, and opened the messenger. He began typing what _he_ felt about it all.

"I love you too much to let you go," he whispered to no one, even though he wished that Sakura had heard it. A strong wind blew into his room, carrying the petals around his room. Some landed on his bed, and some on the back of his hand. He turned his hand around as another petal fluttered onto his palm. He got up and stared at the tree, then the sky, seeing her smiling face.

'I'll never let her go…I'll always love her…'

It was the truth.

He would always be there for her; he would always protect her, even if it cost his life. He'd do anything, just for her. No matter what would happen to them, he would always love her.

**Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth trying for  
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more  
Yeah, I would fight for you, I'd lie for you  
Walk the wire for you, Yeah I'd die for you  
You know it's true  
Everything I do, Ohhh, I do it for you**

**

* * *

**

**Author's Note: There you go, although I think that the song didn't really match as well as the song did on the previous chapter. Confusing? Leave a review or PM me to have your questions answered if you have any about the story or so. Or just review –innocent look-. This was just Xiao Lang's point of view, compared to Sakura's. I have to admit, this chapter was harder to write because bits of me, the authoress, was in the previous chapter. It was a tad difficult because I had to include Xiao Lang's father and the elders. Just a tad. However, a bit more was explained in this chapter, and I will not be writing what Sakura had said to Xiao Lang about her feelings and the same for Xiao Lang. Only for personal reasons, don't worry, but I apologize. **

**Everything _will _be explained in the final chapter, or chapters. Ah, speaking of which…**

**For azn.cherri-gurl, I _will _make an alternate ending, dedicated to her. –smile- So there will be another two chapters, or I'm considering two alternate endings…one of which wouldn't be too happy.  
**

**Now that I'm done rambling, again, please review! And I give a huge thank you along with a huge cookie for those who have reviewed.  
**

**-AngeL**


	3. IMPORTANT NOTE

Feb 16, 2007.

I've been reading my stories over and over again to see if I can improve anywhere and edit it. I've found that I really need to rewrite practically every story because the way I planned out the story was really umm, unprofessional in a way that the story would just come out just horribly. I really am sorry for those who have been waiting for so long just so I can update on my fanfics, but really, I can't continue them when they have so many mistakes that need to be desperately corrected. I've figured that I'd post my ideas as soon as I get them on my Livejournal, which I just got today. If anyone isn't that angry/frustrated at me, they're free to add me...as long as they tell me who they are, lol. I think I'll keep my stories up just a bit longer, but don't expect updates anytime soon. The only things that I'd be posting are small ideas for potential stories, or small ideas for my current fanfics. If I get enough ideas for any of my fanfics, then I can probably string them together to make a story. This is my last author's note, I swear, any other notes will be posted yet again, on my LJ.

-AngeL 


End file.
